The last few nights I have been watching the Olympics, and I generally enjoy the gymnastics part of the summer games because it's neat to watch people do tricks. I don't know if many of you have been watching this, but the Chinese women's team should actually be called the Chinese-gymnastics-daycare-competing-in-the-Olympics team. They have to be sixteen to compete, but the sleazy Chinese government has magically turned what appears to be a twelve-year-old into a cheating "sixteen-year-old" megawhore cheater that is good at doing flips. SHE IS FOUR-AND-A-HALF FEET TALL AND WEIGHS 68 POUNDS. I mean, she is missing a tooth. Her teeth look too healthy to be rotting, so I think it is quite obvious that she is still losing her teeth. Chinese tooth fairy knows that they are cheating, but I heard the government put Chinese tooth fairy in a blender and made a protein shake to put in sippy cups for the gymnastics team during their midday snack time. Come on. It's so obvious that these girls wet the bed and throw temper tantrums. Bright purple glittery face doesn't make them look older. I'm surprised they weren't pushed out in strollers when they went into the arena. Jeez, girls, take out your pacifiers and go bounce around on the springy things with chalk all over yourselves. The government is going to steal their medals anyhow. I heard China thinks gold is a better source of fuel than their modern, environmentally-safe coal factories. Good thing the toddlers beat the Americans because I heard they were going to start burning kids soon.
I'm pissed. The Chinese government stole the Americans' gold medal. Worst hosts ever. I hope a dragon eats China and shits a big pile of justice.
3 comments:
I know nothing of this. If what you say is true, cheating is cheating so fuck China. Double fuck China for robbing children of their childhood and happy memories, if what you say is true. That said, how is it exactly that we are getting out asses whooped in the olympics by a bunch of children? Just asking.
you should write a book the cover should look like this i would read it i think its great.
RANTS
BY SAM TITZE
i especially like the last line in this one.
it's a fact that gymnasts are only good until they get boobs. Americans just don't have the brass balls communism provided for China.
brass balls, boobs, and communism? yep - i covered everything i wanted to in this comment.
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