Tuesday, September 8, 2009

ALERT: DUMBEST THING IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM

I have an outrageous new obsession, and I would like to announce that it is the dumbest thing in the solar system: Olympus Mons. Seriously, what a stupid physical feature. Oh, hey Earth! How high is your tallest mountain?

"29,029 feet."

Believable, reasonable, sensible. I'm glad you're in the solar system, Earth. What about you, Mars? How high is your tallest mountain?

"81,840 feet."

OK, Mars -- easy does it. That isn't even a cool thing to say, Mars. Just because that is a horizon-changing mountain doesn't make it the least bit desirable. I will definitely not be staking my claim on anything close to Olympus Mons when we travel to Mars to begin terraformation and rebuild civilization on a new planet. No. No thank you. Not that sweet. I'd rather bathe in brackish water than watch a Martian sunset with Olympus Mons in the way.
For more information, check out Your Guide to Olympus Mons: The Largest Volcano in the Solar System. It blows.