first step to internet fame

charles and i are going to start a blog reviewing movies without seeing them first. it will be great.

here is my inaugural review, for julie & julia.



"so this movie is about julia child, right? and some other bitch named julie? i get it. i saw this preview in an actual movie theater, before either star trek or angels & demons. actually, neither of those sound like a movie that would have this preview before it, but i can't think of anything else i saw in theaters lately, so whatever.

okay, it goes back and forth between julia child in cooking school in paris, 1940s time, and present day amy "julie" adams, cooking all her recipes for some damn reason. i am interested in half this movie. don't make me tell you which half. to be clear, it isn't the half with amy adams and her stupid mullet. it is the part with meryl streep doing a bitching soundalike of j.c. maybe i'll be julia child for halloween.

i bet at the end of the movie, both of them learn something about themselves. perhaps a reorganization of priorities. there will be commentary on the "food community" (foodmunity) in both eras. $20 says it ends with a "x years later" flashforward. amy adams hair will be stupid, but maybe less stupid in the flashfoward. if you see this, you will have wished you saw something else instead, but not enough to make a big stink about it, because half of it was okay. you will give it 3 stars if you like food and blogs and foodblogs, 2 if you don't."

"growing food is sooo good, ummm, for the people, because it's free. alls you have to do is pay the farmers. and pay for the land."

This girl speaks on behalf of every idiot you've ever had class with that speaks for participation points only, rather than saying anything substantial and informed:

"so we should just... sell it at the farmers market."

What they eat don't make us shiiiiit REAL TALK

i have a lot of free time.

It can't be that hard to pick up the theremin, right? And I need a hobby.

Oh, nevermind, I just tried to move my left hand up and down at the same time as moving my right hand horizontally, and I can't do it. Looks like I'm back on the hobby market.

But still, theremins: pretty cool.

Oldest People

I got on the interweb edition of The New York Times this morning for my daily wake-up browse of current events and discovered that the (former) world's oldest man died in the UK after hanging out for 113 years. Then the talk of supercentenarians came up and I liked the word, so I wikipediared it and looked at some others. Turns out the oldest person of all time was a French woman who lived to 122, dying in 1996. According to this lady, the key to longevity is "garlic, vegetables, cigarettes, red wine, and avoiding brawls." I guess she also ate and bathed in a lot of olive oil, consumed port wine and ate a bunch of chocolate. I don't know about you guys, but I presume she is trying to maintain her hold on the record. How cunning.

One question: where's the cake? She might be blind, but I am pretty sure she can tell the difference between cake and imagination cake. Unless that is a huge 121 on top of a piece of French toast.

YES.

I forgot how much I love this video.

I LOVE THIS VIDEO. It's fucking perfect. Chevy Chase is still handsome and funny - at the time, he hadn't driven the Griswold's wagon-queen-family-truckster off the cliff of cultural relevancy quite yet. Remember when Chevy Chase was funny? He was. Paul Simon is charmingly small and as endearing as ever, but unlike Chevy, that hasn't changed. I know ya'll remember this from watching VH at your folks' house as a kid, but give it a shot.

I also forgot how fucking great this song is. ITS FUCKING GREAT. That part where he's talking about "angels in the architecture" and ends it with "hallelujah"? FUCK.




PS - I'm not implying that Chevy Chase's career ended with National Lampoon's Vacation - it ended in the early nineties when all of his movies got shitty and flopped. Then, someone had the lack of foresight to give him a talk show, which also sucked. It was around the same time Michael Jackson ACTUALLY died and some creepy white woman replaced him and started making really shitty music in his name.

WHEN INTERESTS COLLIDE

I don't like a lot of movies, but I do like Star Trek and Mean Girls.