Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
ALERT: DUMBEST THING IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM
I have an outrageous new obsession, and I would like to announce that it is the dumbest thing in the solar system: Olympus Mons. Seriously, what a stupid physical feature. Oh, hey Earth! How high is your tallest mountain?
"29,029 feet."
Believable, reasonable, sensible. I'm glad you're in the solar system, Earth. What about you, Mars? How high is your tallest mountain?
"81,840 feet."
OK, Mars -- easy does it. That isn't even a cool thing to say, Mars. Just because that is a horizon-changing mountain doesn't make it the least bit desirable. I will definitely not be staking my claim on anything close to Olympus Mons when we travel to Mars to begin terraformation and rebuild civilization on a new planet. No. No thank you. Not that sweet. I'd rather bathe in brackish water than watch a Martian sunset with Olympus Mons in the way.
For more information, check out Your Guide to Olympus Mons: The Largest Volcano in the Solar System. It blows.
"29,029 feet."
Believable, reasonable, sensible. I'm glad you're in the solar system, Earth. What about you, Mars? How high is your tallest mountain?
"81,840 feet."
OK, Mars -- easy does it. That isn't even a cool thing to say, Mars. Just because that is a horizon-changing mountain doesn't make it the least bit desirable. I will definitely not be staking my claim on anything close to Olympus Mons when we travel to Mars to begin terraformation and rebuild civilization on a new planet. No. No thank you. Not that sweet. I'd rather bathe in brackish water than watch a Martian sunset with Olympus Mons in the way.
For more information, check out Your Guide to Olympus Mons: The Largest Volcano in the Solar System. It blows.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
gem from look at this fucking hipster
For those of you who remember when we threw that 90s/Space Jam party back in the spring of 2008, I think this guy pretty much covers what we were looking for:
Monday, August 10, 2009
CALLING ALL FANS OF ZOMBIE MOVIES
This was at the Traverse City Film Festival and I am exceptionally pissed that I had to work during its showing. It is on my to-watch list, and it should probably be on yours:
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
first step to internet fame
charles and i are going to start a blog reviewing movies without seeing them first. it will be great.
here is my inaugural review, for julie & julia.
"so this movie is about julia child, right? and some other bitch named julie? i get it. i saw this preview in an actual movie theater, before either star trek or angels & demons. actually, neither of those sound like a movie that would have this preview before it, but i can't think of anything else i saw in theaters lately, so whatever.
okay, it goes back and forth between julia child in cooking school in paris, 1940s time, and present day amy "julie" adams, cooking all her recipes for some damn reason. i am interested in half this movie. don't make me tell you which half. to be clear, it isn't the half with amy adams and her stupid mullet. it is the part with meryl streep doing a bitching soundalike of j.c. maybe i'll be julia child for halloween.
i bet at the end of the movie, both of them learn something about themselves. perhaps a reorganization of priorities. there will be commentary on the "food community" (foodmunity) in both eras. $20 says it ends with a "x years later" flashforward. amy adams hair will be stupid, but maybe less stupid in the flashfoward. if you see this, you will have wished you saw something else instead, but not enough to make a big stink about it, because half of it was okay. you will give it 3 stars if you like food and blogs and foodblogs, 2 if you don't."
here is my inaugural review, for julie & julia.
"so this movie is about julia child, right? and some other bitch named julie? i get it. i saw this preview in an actual movie theater, before either star trek or angels & demons. actually, neither of those sound like a movie that would have this preview before it, but i can't think of anything else i saw in theaters lately, so whatever.
okay, it goes back and forth between julia child in cooking school in paris, 1940s time, and present day amy "julie" adams, cooking all her recipes for some damn reason. i am interested in half this movie. don't make me tell you which half. to be clear, it isn't the half with amy adams and her stupid mullet. it is the part with meryl streep doing a bitching soundalike of j.c. maybe i'll be julia child for halloween.
i bet at the end of the movie, both of them learn something about themselves. perhaps a reorganization of priorities. there will be commentary on the "food community" (foodmunity) in both eras. $20 says it ends with a "x years later" flashforward. amy adams hair will be stupid, but maybe less stupid in the flashfoward. if you see this, you will have wished you saw something else instead, but not enough to make a big stink about it, because half of it was okay. you will give it 3 stars if you like food and blogs and foodblogs, 2 if you don't."
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