Oldest People

I got on the interweb edition of The New York Times this morning for my daily wake-up browse of current events and discovered that the (former) world's oldest man died in the UK after hanging out for 113 years. Then the talk of supercentenarians came up and I liked the word, so I wikipediared it and looked at some others. Turns out the oldest person of all time was a French woman who lived to 122, dying in 1996. According to this lady, the key to longevity is "garlic, vegetables, cigarettes, red wine, and avoiding brawls." I guess she also ate and bathed in a lot of olive oil, consumed port wine and ate a bunch of chocolate. I don't know about you guys, but I presume she is trying to maintain her hold on the record. How cunning.

One question: where's the cake? She might be blind, but I am pretty sure she can tell the difference between cake and imagination cake. Unless that is a huge 121 on top of a piece of French toast.

YES.

I forgot how much I love this video.

I LOVE THIS VIDEO. It's fucking perfect. Chevy Chase is still handsome and funny - at the time, he hadn't driven the Griswold's wagon-queen-family-truckster off the cliff of cultural relevancy quite yet. Remember when Chevy Chase was funny? He was. Paul Simon is charmingly small and as endearing as ever, but unlike Chevy, that hasn't changed. I know ya'll remember this from watching VH at your folks' house as a kid, but give it a shot.

I also forgot how fucking great this song is. ITS FUCKING GREAT. That part where he's talking about "angels in the architecture" and ends it with "hallelujah"? FUCK.




PS - I'm not implying that Chevy Chase's career ended with National Lampoon's Vacation - it ended in the early nineties when all of his movies got shitty and flopped. Then, someone had the lack of foresight to give him a talk show, which also sucked. It was around the same time Michael Jackson ACTUALLY died and some creepy white woman replaced him and started making really shitty music in his name.

WHEN INTERESTS COLLIDE

I don't like a lot of movies, but I do like Star Trek and Mean Girls.

THE ULTIMATE SPRING PIGLET

Anyone remember OOOOH I CAN ORDER MY SPRING PIGLET NOW: The Sam Titze Story?

Well, this funny lol video pretty much shows what I plan to do with my pig whenever I end up getting one, music and all.

guests take dip in beer pool

An Austrian holiday resort is offering guests the chance to swim in a pool containing 42,000 pints of beer.



The beer-filled swimming pool /Europics

The Starkenber Beer Myth resort located in and around the medieval castle of Starkenberger in Austria's Tyrol region has filled seven 13ft long pools with the beer.

The management claims that beer baths heal various skin diseases.

However, some guests are said to have enjoyed drinking their favourite brew while swimming in the pools.

Manager Markus Amann, 23, said: "I would rather swim than swallow, as we serve enough of a cold, fresh tapped beer on the bars next to the pools."

SUMMER PROJECT OHMYGOD

This is my summer project. I invite you to join me on this miraculous journey:

http://iliketurtlezz.blogspot.com/

LIVE: Join me while I'm pissed

I'm currently taking a break (just a week) from my loyalty to Letterman to witness Conan O'Brien's first week at the 11 o'clock slot, and Green Day is performing another song that sounds like every other one they've ever created, and I hate them so much. One of the top three days I can imagine includes Green Day being hit by four buses in the middle of a four-way intersection: all four buses crash into one another, ending in a beautiful explosion. Wow that would be perfect.