KTs - I think you would enjoy the subject of this post more than others, but I'm certain we can all find this humorous at the expense of a high school girl who has yet to realize that a thesaurus is not your best friend when writing.
I just went through a section of Traverse City's local newspaper and, as an already sub-par newspaper, the decision to include a weekly section called Generation Why is a mistake for countless reasons. The Generation Why section provides high school students the opportunity to write articles that should never be published but, for some unknown reason, are. This girl, Jenna Hubbell, should be embarrassed forever. Her article's title, "A crown and beauty pageant with some thought behind it", is very inappropriate; it should be titled "Alliteration meets thesaurus, self-declared princess thinks she can do anything." Here is some of her finest, clutter-filled jib jab bullshit:
"The desolate silence was broken when the melody commenced and my timorous, petite body uttered the tear-jerking 'Annie'-inspired lyrics. The hum of my thunderous voice echoed across the room, twisting the smirks to expressions of admiration. When the final note sprang from my lips, the lights gradually began to dim with the sounds of stirring ovation filling the room. I thankfully gleamed at the sight of the applause and skipped off the stage."
Wow, Jenna, your performance must have been phenomenal. You must have enjoyed it more than everyone. Let's continue:
"I will confess that when initiating the whole pageant process, I was one of many who viewed it as a 'beauty pageant,' meaning that it was for condescending and imperceptive, yet striking girls. I previously believed that pageants were solely founded on appearance. Glancing back on the endeavor in which I experienced eight years ago, I realize that because of the pageant, my previous judgments were, indeed, erroneous."
Oh god, where do I begin? Condescending and imperceptive, yet striking girls? This whole paragraph is comical, since it is an accidental confession of her own superficiality. So, Jenna, you're not just striking, eh? Because you're different, you are striking and brilliant? Oh yeah - I like to experience in endeavors, too. Let's see what happens next...
"Eight years ago, I slouched before the crooked grins with trepidation, today; I stand before the mirror and painfully fasten the heavy crown upon my head, preparing to assertively represent my community as Miss Elk Rapids 2008. I am proud to call myself an ambassador of my community. Because of the pageants I have taken part in, I am who I am today; I do not wear the crown because I am beautiful; I wear the crown because I am a driven, intelligent and assertive young lady."
I just went through a section of Traverse City's local newspaper and, as an already sub-par newspaper, the decision to include a weekly section called Generation Why is a mistake for countless reasons. The Generation Why section provides high school students the opportunity to write articles that should never be published but, for some unknown reason, are. This girl, Jenna Hubbell, should be embarrassed forever. Her article's title, "A crown and beauty pageant with some thought behind it", is very inappropriate; it should be titled "Alliteration meets thesaurus, self-declared princess thinks she can do anything." Here is some of her finest, clutter-filled jib jab bullshit:
"The desolate silence was broken when the melody commenced and my timorous, petite body uttered the tear-jerking 'Annie'-inspired lyrics. The hum of my thunderous voice echoed across the room, twisting the smirks to expressions of admiration. When the final note sprang from my lips, the lights gradually began to dim with the sounds of stirring ovation filling the room. I thankfully gleamed at the sight of the applause and skipped off the stage."
Wow, Jenna, your performance must have been phenomenal. You must have enjoyed it more than everyone. Let's continue:
"I will confess that when initiating the whole pageant process, I was one of many who viewed it as a 'beauty pageant,' meaning that it was for condescending and imperceptive, yet striking girls. I previously believed that pageants were solely founded on appearance. Glancing back on the endeavor in which I experienced eight years ago, I realize that because of the pageant, my previous judgments were, indeed, erroneous."
Oh god, where do I begin? Condescending and imperceptive, yet striking girls? This whole paragraph is comical, since it is an accidental confession of her own superficiality. So, Jenna, you're not just striking, eh? Because you're different, you are striking and brilliant? Oh yeah - I like to experience in endeavors, too. Let's see what happens next...
"Eight years ago, I slouched before the crooked grins with trepidation, today; I stand before the mirror and painfully fasten the heavy crown upon my head, preparing to assertively represent my community as Miss Elk Rapids 2008. I am proud to call myself an ambassador of my community. Because of the pageants I have taken part in, I am who I am today; I do not wear the crown because I am beautiful; I wear the crown because I am a driven, intelligent and assertive young lady."
Jenna adverbily adverbed her adverbified adverbs. Thesaurus thesaurus thesaurus. Semicolon. Self-adoration. Embellish your importance.
How embarrassing.
7 comments:
making fun of little girls, sam?
Oh dear Goddddddddd.
There are so many embarrassing things about this. The constant self-congratulations. The inappropriate use of loose synonyms and punctuation. How clearly into being ~MISS ELK RAPIDS~ she is. I am going to go vomit everywhere, forever.
Also I WISH SOMEONE ELSE HERE READ TWILIGHT because this smacks so hard of the "I'm such a special unique snowflake" bullshit that is, essentially, all four books. This girl and Bella Swan should be best friends forever.
dan read twilight
Sounds like a terrible Mad Lib about the Ms America peagent that a bored english major thought would be funny to fill in with ridiculous librettos.
Also, fuck yourself Kevin, i read 1/3 of the first book, constantly hoping a plot would show up amidst the 'Hills in Washington'
I never said there was plot!
Well... i would just like to say a few things to this ass hole who apparantly has a problem with my essay.
First of all... the whole point of the paper was to be a discriptive story of a memorable moment in my life (hence the decriptive language and rhetorical devices/ alliteration) .... and also to emphasize on what i took from the experience.(hence the "i dont believe that pageants are about beauty"). Never have i once thought of myself in that way, but instead i am thankful for pageants because i am comforatable with myself. Which apparantly you Phoenix Haus, are not....or you would not stoop to write a blog on topics that are completely unrelated to you... just to bash other people. HOW DARE YOU.
-Who are you anyway to have something say about my work? I will have you know that my paper was published for a reason.. because it was reccomended by one of the most highly known english teachers in Northern Michigan.
I am not a self-congratulated person... but rather a thank-ful person. Maybe if you would actualy read the paper rather that analize it with your superficial ideas of writing... then you would have understood the sole purpose.
Being Miss Elk Rapids was something i had worked for my entire life. So excuse me for feeling the need to thank my community for giving me the oppurtunity to do so... and to sing... which is what i love to do more than anything in the world.
Having that paper published was one of the most rewarding things that ever happened to me. But thanks to you my exictement was demolished. You are nothing but a shallow and imperceptive ass hole. Have a nice day :).
-Jenna Hubbell "the self-declared princess"
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