The light at the end of the tunnel

So I know I'm supposed to marry soup, but I found another option for my future love of my life. Yeah, that's right, a Russian catalog-order bride All I need to do is pick her out of the online catalog. I'll take a glance at her profile pic, interests, and cute little quirks in her personal description. Then, when I'm all ready to go, I'll fly over and meet her in "Moscow, St. Petersburg, or Kiev (or even a third country)"!!! We'll get some coffee (or a vodka-drink!) and relax while wiping our brows with dollar bills. I'll be myself and she'll be all lookin like Anna Kournikova-like with her super sexy tennis racket and K-Swiss sneakers. Our marriage will be splendid, so consider yourself invited if you are reading this. Just imagine our cute little tennis-warrior babies, ready to save the planet and unite East and West once and for all.