Phoenix Haus!

2009-12-09T19:38:00.001-08:00

2009-12-07T22:45:00.001-08:00

sweet sea sensation

2009-12-07T17:38:00.000-08:00

I first saw this on Sat. and I can't seem to stop watching it:

2009-12-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

october post

2009-10-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

Just posting in October.

ALERT: DUMBEST THING IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM

2009-09-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

I have an outrageous new obsession, and I would like to announce that it is the dumbest thing in the solar system: Olympus Mons. Seriously, what a stupid physical feature. Oh, hey Earth! How high is your tallest mountain?

"29,029 feet."

Believable, reasonable, sensible. I'm glad you're in the solar system, Earth. What about you, Mars? How high is your tallest mountain?

"81,840 feet."

OK, Mars -- easy does it. That isn't even a cool thing to say, Mars. Just because that is a horizon-changing mountain doesn't make it the least bit desirable. I will definitely not be staking my claim on anything close to Olympus Mons when we travel to Mars to begin terraformation and rebuild civilization on a new planet. No. No thank you. Not that sweet. I'd rather bathe in brackish water than watch a Martian sunset with Olympus Mons in the way.
For more information, check out Your Guide to Olympus Mons: The Largest Volcano in the Solar System. It blows.

gem from look at this fucking hipster

2009-08-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

For those of you who remember when we threw that 90s/Space Jam party back in the spring of 2008, I think this guy pretty much covers what we were looking for:

CALLING ALL FANS OF ZOMBIE MOVIES

2009-08-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

This was at the Traverse City Film Festival and I am exceptionally pissed that I had to work during its showing. It is on my to-watch list, and it should probably be on yours:

skating babies

2009-08-08T07:28:00.001-07:00

the best part is definitely right around 42ish seconds.

jack in the box?

2009-08-04T20:10:00.001-07:00

CAN THEY EVEN DO THAT?

first step to internet fame

2009-07-29T15:14:00.001-07:00

charles and i are going to start a blog reviewing movies without seeing them first. it will be great.

here is my inaugural review, for julie & julia.

"so this movie is about julia child, right? and some other bitch named julie? i get it. i saw this preview in an actual movie theater, before either star trek or angels & demons. actually, neither of those sound like a movie that would have this preview before it, but i can't think of anything else i saw in theaters lately, so whatever.

okay, it goes back and forth between julia child in cooking school in paris, 1940s time, and present day amy "julie" adams, cooking all her recipes for some damn reason. i am interested in half this movie. don't make me tell you which half. to be clear, it isn't the half with amy adams and her stupid mullet. it is the part with meryl streep doing a bitching soundalike of j.c. maybe i'll be julia child for halloween.

i bet at the end of the movie, both of them learn something about themselves. perhaps a reorganization of priorities. there will be commentary on the "food community" (foodmunity) in both eras. $20 says it ends with a "x years later" flashforward. amy adams hair will be stupid, but maybe less stupid in the flashfoward. if you see this, you will have wished you saw something else instead, but not enough to make a big stink about it, because half of it was okay. you will give it 3 stars if you like food and blogs and foodblogs, 2 if you don't."

"growing food is sooo good, ummm, for the people, because it's free. alls you have to do is pay the farmers. and pay for the land."

2009-07-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

This girl speaks on behalf of every idiot you've ever had class with that speaks for participation points only, rather than saying anything substantial and informed:

"so we should just... sell it at the farmers market."

What they eat don't make us shiiiiit REAL TALK

2009-07-23T08:23:00.001-07:00

i have a lot of free time.

2009-07-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

It can't be that hard to pick up the theremin, right? And I need a hobby.

Oh, nevermind, I just tried to move my left hand up and down at the same time as moving my right hand horizontally, and I can't do it. Looks like I'm back on the hobby market.

But still, theremins: pretty cool.

Oldest People

2009-07-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

I got on the interweb edition of The New York Times this morning for my daily wake-up browse of current events and discovered that the (former) world's oldest man died in the UK after hanging out for 113 years. Then the talk of supercentenarians came up and I liked the word, so I wikipediared it and looked at some others. Turns out the oldest person of all time was a French woman who lived to 122, dying in 1996. According to this lady, the key to longevity is "garlic, vegetables, cigarettes, red wine, and avoiding brawls." I guess she also ate and bathed in a lot of olive oil, consumed port wine and ate a bunch of chocolate. I don't know about you guys, but I presume she is trying to maintain her hold on the record. How cunning.

One question: where's the cake? She might be blind, but I am pretty sure she can tell the difference between cake and imagination cake. Unless that is a huge 121 on top of a piece of French toast.

YES.

2009-07-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

I forgot how much I love this video.

I LOVE THIS VIDEO. It's fucking perfect. Chevy Chase is still handsome and funny - at the time, he hadn't driven the Griswold's wagon-queen-family-truckster off the cliff of cultural relevancy quite yet. Remember when Chevy Chase was funny? He was. Paul Simon is charmingly small and as endearing as ever, but unlike Chevy, that hasn't changed. I know ya'll remember this from watching VH at your folks' house as a kid, but give it a shot.

I also forgot how fucking great this song is. ITS FUCKING GREAT. That part where he's talking about "angels in the architecture" and ends it with "hallelujah"? FUCK.

PS - I'm not implying that Chevy Chase's career ended with National Lampoon's Vacation - it ended in the early nineties when all of his movies got shitty and flopped. Then, someone had the lack of foresight to give him a talk show, which also sucked. It was around the same time Michael Jackson ACTUALLY died and some creepy white woman replaced him and started making really shitty music in his name.

WHEN INTERESTS COLLIDE

2009-07-01T16:16:00.001-07:00

I don't like a lot of movies, but I do like Star Trek and Mean Girls.

THE ULTIMATE SPRING PIGLET

2009-06-21T19:58:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember OOOOH I CAN ORDER MY SPRING PIGLET NOW: The Sam Titze Story?

Well, this funny lol video pretty much shows what I plan to do with my pig whenever I end up getting one, music and all.

guests take dip in beer pool

2009-06-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

An Austrian holiday resort is offering guests the chance to swim in a pool containing 42,000 pints of beer.

The beer-filled swimming pool /Europics

The Starkenber Beer Myth resort located in and around the medieval castle of Starkenberger in Austria's Tyrol region has filled seven 13ft long pools with the beer.

The management claims that beer baths heal various skin diseases.

However, some guests are said to have enjoyed drinking their favourite brew while swimming in the pools.

Manager Markus Amann, 23, said: "I would rather swim than swallow, as we serve enough of a cold, fresh tapped beer on the bars next to the pools."

SUMMER PROJECT OHMYGOD

2009-06-03T21:12:00.001-07:00

This is my summer project. I invite you to join me on this miraculous journey:

http://iliketurtlezz.blogspot.com/

LIVE: Join me while I'm pissed

2009-06-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

I'm currently taking a break (just a week) from my loyalty to Letterman to witness Conan O'Brien's first week at the 11 o'clock slot, and Green Day is performing another song that sounds like every other one they've ever created, and I hate them so much. One of the top three days I can imagine includes Green Day being hit by four buses in the middle of a four-way intersection: all four buses crash into one another, ending in a beautiful explosion. Wow that would be perfect.

2009-06-02T11:03:00.000-07:00

Toy Story 3?

2009-05-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is set for release in June of 2010. I had no idea, but after seeing them again I realized how much I missed these guys. Here is an enjoyable advertisement.

Quiz

2008-10-27T17:10:00.001-07:00

Q: Which country is too big?

A: Russia

I can assume you all got that correct. If not, we need to chat.

In other news, this is a neat picture. Perhaps some of you have heard of Banksy before, but if not, he's a graffiti/stencil artist in England. I wanted to buy some this summer when I was there but I missed two flights on my way over and I didn't have the cash for anything but rage supplies. Look the stuff up - it's pretty clever and equally jawesome.

MORE WKUK

2009-05-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

I LOVE WKUK